Is It Friday Yet?

This just in: McSweeney’s is reporting a possible Flight 1549 conspiracy:

Following the accident, US Airways stock shot up 13 percent. You know who works for that company? The pilot and crew of Flight 1549.

Note to self: the CIA has not secretly installed funhouse mirrors while you were out.

This time.

Something to consider next time your Uncle Sam hits you up for cigarette money at the same he bets cash he ain’t got with his Wall Street bookie: Uncle Sam’s Credit Score

I Heart Guts, makers of plush toys in the shape of internal organs with smiley faces, have recalled your uterus due to a choking hazard… the ovaries might come off.

“If your plush uterus is NOT accessible to young children, and you wish to keep your beloved uterus, you may opt-out via email.”

Well, this is mind-bogglingly stupid. PETA has launched a campaign to call fish “Sea Kittens” on the premise that nobody would want to hurt a kitten. Voila! No more fishing! You can even make your own Sea Kitten, dress it up in a cute little outfit and give it a name. Here’s mine.

The site also has an online illustrated storybook with stories of sad sea kittens. Well, maybe “sad” isn’t the right word:

Yesterday was pretty nasty, all right. Rain, rain, wind, rain, threats of record floods, rain, dogs and cats living together, rain, spam eggs sausage and rain, etc. So here’s the morning paper, presented slightly out of context:

This is absolutely brilliant. All you need to know for the foreseeable future.

Even before its unveiling at the MacWorld Expo today, The Onion has the scoop on Apple’s newest innovation:

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

I wonder what chain of events brought this about.